Author: kenyaramirezz

The End of FDOM: The Beginning for My Blog

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

As the semester comes to an end, I have done a lot of thinking about what this blog means to me. I started this blog as a project for my Fundamentals of Digital and Online Media course this fall. For years, starting a blog was always a big goal of mine; however, I had absolutely no clue what I would write about. A blog topic should be something you are passionate and knowledgeable about, but I never felt like I had any interests or hobbies that I could write about with great emotion. When the project was assigned in class, it took weeks for me to realize that there IS one thing I am absolutely passionate about: the LGBTQ+ community.

When I started to write for my blog, I had no idea that I would receive so much support from my loved ones and strangers. My girlfriend and roommate were a great inspiration when I felt like I couldn’t write about this private part of my life to the world. Talking about my sexuality means so much to me, and I am glad that I am sharing my story to help others. The LGBTQ+ community has endured so much pain for generations, and I just want to be a person who alleviates at least a tiny part of that pain. Throughout this experience, I actually had a good turnout of people viewing my posts which means so much to me. My most popular week started on October 14th which was when 128 people viewed my blog! My most popular post of all was Growing Up Gay and Hispanic with 61 views. I think it had so many views because my hometown is predominantly hispanic therefore a lot of people must’ve deeply related to it. It’s so surprising to me that I have received so much support from the Twitter and WordPress community. Most of the traffic that I received on my blog was through my links on twitter, so I am so grateful to my followers for taking the time to read this important and delicate part of my life. I also received 5 WordPress followers which means so much to me!

This blog is teaching me how to use the tools that I need to professionally write and publish in the future. This experience is going to benefit me greatly because now I know how to start a blog and how to engage better with my readers. I know it will also greatly impact my future career choices, because I absolutely love writing for this blog.

Let’s Get Better Treatment has been a great learning experience for me. I think that I have a lot of work to do to become a better a writer and editor, but I know that I’m off to a great start. I need to work on promoting my content on instagram and other platforms more, since that will bring in much more traffic. In the future, I hope to start including interviews from LGBTQ+ people on my blog. I want to make this blog as open and as free to the entire community as possible.

The best experience this blog has given me is a support system. Whether that is my loved ones, or my amazing followers like the writer Jess of A Lesbian and Her Laptop, I have had such a blast sharing these personal stories with everyone and getting so much love in return. This isn’t the end of this journey, it is only the beginning! I can’t wait to see where this blog journey is going to take me.

See you soon!!

Puerto Vallarta Trip

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

  • Us snorkeling at Marietas Islands.
  • Aly and I looking for coral at Marietas Islands.
  • Family picture inside the hidden beach.
  • It took 10 jumps to get this picture right.
  • After this trip I realized that I hate speedboats.

Almost every summer my girlfriend’s family takes a trip to a beautiful exotic place of their choice. A couple of years ago they went to Costa Rica and years before that they went to Cozumel. This year I had the privilege of being invited on their family trip to Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco.

I was so excited to go on this trip because my family is actually from Jalisco. Oddly enough, I had never been to Puerto Vallarta even though I used to live a couple of hours away from it, so this was my perfect chance to finally go see the beautiful beaches.

Before leaving on the trip I ordered my passport which was so exciting. I hadn’t traveled to Mexico for years and I was so excited to finally go back to the place I consider home. Puerto Vallarta is just hours away from Guadalajara which is where both my parents were born. Visiting this place with Aly’s family meant so much to me because they got to see my family’s cultural background which made me feel closer to them.

This trip was not only exciting because of the fun vacation things we were going to do, but also because it was a big milestone in my girlfriend and I’s relationship. The fact that her family invited me on their traditional family trip meant so much to me. I couldn’t believe they wanted to share their annual trip with ME.

The anticipation for this trip was real! We had an entire itinerary of fun activities to do. My girlfriend is the biggest adrenaline junkie in the world and I am the complete OPPOSITE of that. Mix those two and what do you get? A nervous and anxious girl who is forcefully doing activities that scare the crap out of her BUT she ends up enjoying anyway. Match made in heaven.

We did some crazy things on that trip. For instance I tried FlyBoarding for the first time which is insane. It’s like you have a jetpack on your feet. I was surprisingly super good at it despite me being terrified for 10 hours prior to flying it. I also went surfing for the first time which was so amazing! I got terrible surfboard burns on my legs, but in my opinion it’s 100% worth it. During another adventure to an island we traveled by speedboat which was nothing like I had ever imagined. It’s crazy fast and insanely bumpy and scary. After that we swam through a tiny cave hole which led to this hidden island called Marietas Islands. I got a tiny panic attack because the water was rising inside of the cave opening and we only had a couple of inches to fit our head in there… but other than that GREAT experience.

  • Surfing for the first time.
  • Momma I can fly!

This was one of the best experiences of my life and I am so happy that I got to share it with my second family. I feel like we all had a blast and got so much closer during this trip. I am forever grateful to them.

Aly on Love, Acceptance, and Courage

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

Today’s story revolves around Aly, an amazing 20 year old girl who I’m lucky to be dating. Aly is one of the most confident people I have ever met. I mean seriously, the first night that I met her my palms wouldn’t stop sweating because she was so intimidatingly smooth. I have never met someone who is as unapologetically true to herself as she is. When I first met her three summers ago, I would’ve never guessed that her past self used to act like a totally different person in order to please others.

Growing up Aly was like any other girl. She liked hanging out with her friends and gossiping. Her mom would often take her shopping and to get their nails done which was established as their bonding time. Aly had long hair and often dressed girly. She even liked boys. She had crushes every now and then and even a couple of “boyfriends” which she sometimes held hands with for a couple of minutes at lunch when the teachers weren’t looking.

When Aly was thirteen, she met a girl. They became friends and they got along so great. They were constantly goofing around and making each other laugh which Aly loved. Slowly, Aly began to get closer to her friend. They would often text after school, and sometimes they would even hangout. This was the highlight of her day. She really enjoyed talking to her and getting to know her. There was this anticipation and anxiety that she felt when waiting to see her again or talk to her again. She felt nervous around her, but Aly would blow this off quite instantly. She knew that these feelings meant nothing, right? Obviously she liked boys, but why didn’t her crushes on boys feel like this?

She knew eventually that this was more than a “friend”. That moment of acceptance changed Aly’s life forever.

After realizing she was gay, Aly buried it as deep as she could. She continued to dress even girlier and she carried herself as the girl others expected her to be. She would go on dates with boys and flirt with them whenever she had the chance to. She was completely believable…..until she met another girl.

Aly had never felt this way for a girl before, so she realized that this was when she had to take her chance. So she did it, she told the girl that she liked her. This was the first time anyone in the world knew that she liked girls, and it felt liberating finally going for it. Sadly for her (but lucky for me) nothing serious ended up happening with that girl; however this was still a huge milestone for Aly. That experience taught her that she could be herself and made her want to tell others the truth about her even though she was scared.

“After liking that girl and speaking to her, as short as it was, I realized that this was real. I had to talk about it with somebody.”

Aly

Soon after that experience, Aly told her best friend and cousin the truth about her sexuality. They both reacted amazing which eased all of Aly’s tension. As time went on, she told more of her friends and every single person was extremely supportive and not the least bit judgmental.

The next step in Aly’s journey would not be so easy. Aly’s parents had a history of making homophobic and judgmental comments around her. Her mom would often expect her to dress a certain way and act a certain way, which only made Aly wonder if she would ever accept her for who she really was.

“It was so easy to hide, so I just felt comfortable keeping it to myself. Partly because I was scared of their reaction, and partly because I just did not want to have that uncomfortable conversation with them.”

Aly

Fortunately, once the moment finally came to tell her parents, everything went amazing. Both her parents showed her immense support and told her that she is loved no matter what. Everything went even better than she ever could have imagined.

Aly feels like she is finally herself after all of these years. When she was younger she spent so much time worrying about what to wear, how to do her hair, how to talk, and even how to sit in order to hide her true self.

“I didn’t want to give anyone a reason to suspect that I might be gay. I paid attention to everything I did. I never dressed or walked or acted how I wanted. It was all a mask.”

Aly

Now she can finally walk without a perfect posture. She can finally stop talking in that high-pitched customer-service-like voice that sounded insanely girly. She can finally stop straightening her hair and acting like she likes makeup. She can finally stop pretending she likes to cross her legs when she sits down and spread them comfortably. She’s herself now.

“Finally after years I don’t have to pretend that I love watching makeup tutorials on YouTube and pretend that I love going to the nail salon. I walk how I want. Sit how I want. Cut my hair how I want.”

Aly

I asked her if she had any advice for someone reading this who is going through something similar. Aly said that if you have people who love and support you in your life, there is no reason to be scared. She used to spend hours thinking about the possible horrible outcomes when she came out. None of those things came true because she has people who love her for exactly who she is.

Aly has never felt as happy and as confident as she does now. I hope that her story can bring a little bit of hope to whoever is still scared to accept themselves and come out to the world. It is a very long journey and nowhere near easy, but the outcomes can be beautiful. Life is too short to force yourself to talk in a high pitched voice. Bring that bass out honey.

For more information and resources on coming out, visit The Trevor Project. You are not alone.

My Favorite Queer Musicians

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

I love music and nothing makes my gay heart happier than discovering queer artists that make fantastic content. I still remember the first time that I heard Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kyioko and I couldn’t believe what I heard. I had never heard wlw representation in my life and I couldn’t believe that this woman was openly singing about loving girls, and using she/her pronouns and everything!

Representation for queer people in music is so important, and can truly change someone’s life. After I saw the Girls Like Girls music video, I felt like I had to come out. It inspired me in a way that I can’t even express in words. There’s no better feeling than relating to the lyrics in a song, especially when there is a small pool of artists out there who sing openly about their gay relationships and feelings.

Below are some of my favorite queer artists who deserve all of the recognition and success in the world.

Hayley Kyioko

The LGBT community crowned Hayley the lesbian jesus and I think there is no better jesus that can represent me. Hayley has some of the best artistic work I have ever seen. She is a phenomenal dancer, and all of her music videos have amazing storylines. Her videos are often directed by her and honestly could be considered short films because of the amazing quality Hayley pulls off. You can tell that she pays close attention to detail and works very hard to put out the best content.

My favorite songs by Hayley include Cliffs Edge, Girls Like Girls, and Gravel to Tempo.

King Princess

My favorite little Miss King. An absolute icon with so much talent. King Princess writes and produces all of her music, and has been doing music since she was a little girl. She grew up in her dad’s music studio so she has always been influenced by music. She makes pop music about loving girls and has always been open about her love for the community. She says that she wants to make content for young gay people because it is important for them to have content that they can relate to.

Miss King at ACL Festival 2019

My favorite songs by King Princess include Talia, Cheap Queen, and Hit the Back.

Frank Ocean

The bisexual King, Frank Ocean. He took the world by surprise when he became of of the first R&B artists to come out of the closet. Most of his songs are dedicated to both women and male love interests, and he has some of the most beautiful and meaningful songs that I have ever heard.

My favorite songs by Frank Ocean Include Pink+White, Lost, Chanel, and Nights.

Syd Tha Kyd

Syd is a lesbian artist that releases both solo music and music with her band The Internet. Her band’s biggest hit, Girl, is actually a song that she sings about a woman.

My favorite songs by Syd include Body, Girl, and YOU’RE THE ONE.

Steve Lacy

Steve Lacy, another queer member of The Internet, recently talked about his bisexuality in his new album. He says that facing his sexuality and talking about it really helped shape the album.

My favorite songs by Steve Lacy include Some, Dark Red, and C U Girl.

Kevin Abstract

Kevin Abstract says that growing up gay in Texas was very hard, and to this day people from his hometown still don’t accept him. He is a current member of Brockhampton, the iconic boy band rap group.

Some of my favorite songs by Kevin Abstract include Seventeen, American Boyfriend, and Empty.

Girl In Red

I recently discovered Girl In Red and I can’t believe what I have been missing out on. She has some of the most heartfelt wlw lyrics I have ever heard. Marie started making music by herself in her bedroom, and quickly grew popularity and now she tours with her band all over the world.

My favorite songs by Girl In Red include, watch you sleep, bad idea!, and we fell in love in october.

Those are just some of the very few queer artists out there who deserve recognition for their amazing music. I hope some of you love these artists as much as I do because they need all the love they can get. Here is a PAPER article on 50 influential queer artists in case you want more content to listen to.

A Lesbian and Her Laptop: Blog Review

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

A Lesbian and Her Laptop is an amazing LGBT blog that discusses issues similar to my blog. The writer, Jess, includes all sorts of personal stories, advice, reviews on queer content (shows and books) and even interviews from people in the LGBT community. She speaks about her own experiences as well as others to give readers an intimate experience when reading her stories.

One recent segment of blog posts that I really enjoyed were her Bisexual Wonderland posts. She decided to feature different stories from bisexual people in the LGBT community to celebrate Bisexual Awareness Week. We love some bi visibility! I think there is a very limited amount of resources for bisexual people out there, and I am very happy that she is playing a part in fixing that. There is a huge stigma around the bisexual community, and I really appreciate when other people in the LGBT community speak out and advocate for us.

I admire A Lesbian and Her Laptop so much because she has gotten so much attention on WordPress all while talking about topics that I care very deeply about. I aspire to reach the same amount of people that AL&HL has and make as much of an impact. My biggest goal with my blog is to be able to reach as many people in the LGBT community as possible to make sure that everyone has a safe space to go to when they are in need of it.

I think that it is very difficult for most people to talk about these personal issues, and I admire anyone who has the bravery and strength to speak up. Jess is a wonderful writer who is inspiring people from all over the community, and I am so happy to be one of her readers. I hope that one day my blog can grow to become as amazing and impactful as hers.

Thanks Jess, you are the best!

Are You Sisters?: A WLW Story

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

I think most, if not all, WLW relationships have heard this at least once in their life. It happens everywhere we go: restaurants, movie theaters, shopping centers, EVERYWHERE.

WE ARE NOT SISTERS!!!!

It is a frustrating never ending cycle being asked if you are sisters with your girlfriend. Yes, we are two women who are not masculine. No, that does not mean we are sisters or best friends. It is so awkward saying we’re not sisters but then being asked, “oh so you’re just friends?”, when in fact we are NOT friends.

I consider myself a femme. I would assume that it is quite difficult to guess I am into women from a first impression because I usually never dress masculine and that is the stereotype when assuming if a girl is gay. Well guess what? Girls who like girls don’t always have to wear a flannel or have a buzzcut you know. I consider my girlfriend a chapstick lesbian. She dresses more casual than I do and typically doesn’t come off as being ultra-feminine. I understand why it might be hard for people to grasp the idea of two girls who are not masculine dating; however it’s 2019, and I wish it was more normalized for two feminine women to date without it being over-sexualized or seen as abnormal. I feel like when people picture a lesbian relationship they expect a masculine woman dating a feminine woman. This is not always the case, and this stereotype is getting old, frankly.

As homosexuality becomes more accepted globally, I hope that people become more open-minded about the assumptions they make when it comes to gay relationships. Relationships don’t always have to follow heteronormative roles. No one has to be “the man” in a lesbian relationship for it to be considered correct.

Advice

So what do you do when you are asked this question? From my experience, it is best to just avoid the awkward moment and long explanation and just say yes. Make it something fun and light-hearted so you don’t feel uncomfortable. My girlfriend and I love saying we are best-friends or sisters when we are asked this, and then we laugh about it when we are alone. Hopefully one day we never have to deal with those sort of questions, but for now I guess we have to suffer and laugh about it later. I mean who cares if a stranger thinks you’re sisters, right? After all, old research states that many couples begin to look similar to each other because they share so many emotions and experiences together that they begin to mimic each other’s “subtle shifts in facial wrinkles and other facial contours”. Kinda cute, no? I’ve always wanted a sister!

Thanks for reading guys, It makes me very happy when you do.

Here’s one of my favorite gay anthems, you’re welcome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wVB6pfWwnE

Growing Up Gay and Hispanic

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

It’s been a long process to get to the level of acceptance that i’m at now. All of my life I felt like there was something wrong with me. My family raised me to believe that I had value based on my ability to please men. My mother would always tell me, “You need to learn how to cook and clean. How will your future husband accept you if you don’t know how to do anything? Your future man will send you back to us if he realizes you are useless”. This broke my heart every time I heard it. Was my value really determined by how useful I was for men? I could never understand why my mother had this attitude, but I always had to remind myself that my mother was raised in Mexico, where things are very different from the U.S. “Machismo” is deeply rooted in hispanic culture and is just as prevalent today as it was when my mother was a child. 

My mother endured decades of abuse from men. My father was a horrible husband. My mother dealt with his lies, cheating, and manipulation for 28 years. Even after my parents divorce, she couldn’t escape that toxic environment with my stepfather. She cooked all day long and cleaned the house twice a day all while working a full time job, even going as far as ironing every damn shirt, pants, underwear and socks that my step father owned. Sometimes I felt like yelling, “Who the hell is going to care if there is a wrinkle in his heel, mother!?”. I’m sure she felt tired some days, I’m sure she didn’t want to do all that she did, but she felt like she had to. So tell me, how could she want me to go through that? Why is it that I was expected to act a certain way to try to please men? 

Ever since I was a child, my family would say “son novios, son novios!”, “they’re dating, they’re dating!”, whenever I came near a boy classmate. I know it was a joke, purely teasing, but this never sat right with me. Why is it that since we are young, our families try to romanticize the idea of little girls dating little boys? I was raised to believe that dating boys was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. Ideally, I would marry a “great man” after college and settle and bear his children. I grew up with this idea, so it made it 100 times more confusing when I had my first crush in the fourth grade, and she was in fact not a boy. “When you grow older you are going to get so much attention from the boys!”, my mother would say as I was settling into my mature body and face. Why couldn’t she just say that I looked pretty? 

Growing up hispanic and gay means calling my girlfriend “friend” at family functions. It means never showing affection towards my girlfriend due to fear of being looked at ugly by my own cousins. It means having to explain that it is in fact not a “phase” or “confusion” to every family member I come out to. It means lying to my grandma every time she calls to ask if I have a boyfriend and I say, “I’m just focusing on school right now, I don’t want a boyfriend abuelita”. It means letting go of my girlfriend’s hand whenever I enter a public space in my hometown that is 97% hispanic. It means keeping quiet about my relationship when my hispanic classmates bond over their boyfriends. It means not being able to take out my girlfriend to dance during my cousin’s quinceñera. It means staying quiet while my family makes homophobic jokes in front of my face. 

Being gay and hispanic is hard, but i’d still choose the the judgment, stares, and whispers any day over ironing socks for the rest of my damn life. 

Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.

I’ll serve another anthem for you hungry gays.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YaV6CvwJ-g

Am I gay?!

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

circa 2012: 8th grade prom

Let’s take it back a few years, okay? It’s the 7th grade and I’m walking this girl home and I am so nervous. She is so pretty and I want to be her best friend so bad. The whole time I’m thinking, “I hope she texts me as soon as she’s home. I just really realllly want to be close to her.” Right, is that all I want? Of course that’s what I want. I just think she’s really awesome, and funny… and cute… and sooo pretty. I want to talk to her all day long and be best friends forever!

Yea, no. I was actually super into her and wanted to hold her hand really badly.

How I Found Out I Liked Girls

My first kiss was actually a girl in the 4th grade, my best friend at the time. I think at first I was trying to convince myself that we were just curious about how kissing worked. As time went by though, I think both of us realized we actually enjoyed it, and it was no longer just a curiosity of ours. (Yes, we are both gay now.)

I remember middle school like it was yesterday. I had plenty of friends, many of which were girls. My entire life I had been told that I should like boys, and I did. However, I couldn’t shake that feeling of confusion throughout my childhood. Boys are cute, but girls are just so pretty… and they smell really good too. I had so many mixed feelings about some of the “friends” that I had. Deep down I didn’t know if I wanted to be LIKE them or be WITH them. (Pictured on the left is my braceface 6th grade self)

The Signs

So what made me realize that I liked girls? Well first of all, I would get so nervous around them all of the time. I constantly found myself trying to impress them and wanting to make them laugh all of the time. I was also obsessed with talking to them, and would constantly try to bump into them at school or make plans to hangout. Plenty of times I found myself missing them after school and wanting to be closer. It was very frustrating trying to keep my distance from them to seem normal.

It went as far as me giving them cute little gifts and writing thoughtful notes. I thought about them all the time, in the same way I thought about boys that I had crushes on. This made it even more confusing, since I grew up being told that feeling this way was wrong.

Acceptance

It took me years to come to terms with my feelings. For so long I had submerged those feelings in the back of my head and buried them from everyone, including myself. I would constantly make up excuses for my emotions and remind myself that it was wrong to like girls. I tried to explain it away by saying that I admired them in the same way that straight girls admire other girls with no attraction involved. I wanted to believe that every time I complimented them it was purely platonic. I didn’t start opening up to the idea of being bisexual until high school. As I grew older I realized that those feelings never went away, and even as I dated boys, I never stopped liking girls. So finally, I accepted myself. I validated my own feelings and allowed myself to have thoughts about girls. I allowed myself to picture myself dating a girl without feeling like I was doing something wrong, and it felt amazing.

Advice

I want to say to anyone who is going through this issue exactly what I would’ve loved to hear when I was a scared 12 year old girl. It’s okay to feel the way that you feel. I know that it feels foreign and wrong, and you wish that you didn’t feel this way. I know that you feel ashamed at times, and you sometimes want to act a certain way or be a certain person in order to please other people. You don’t have to do any of that. You don’t owe anyone any explanations or apologies for the way that you feel. It is not your fault that you love who you love, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. When you are ready to accept yourself for who you are, just know that there is a huge community full of beautiful and vibrant souls waiting to support you.

Farewell!

If you need someone to talk to you are always welcome to contact me, I am here for you! If you have any concerns with coming out, bullying or other issues, you can contact the LGBT National Help Center and they will gladly assist you.

Thank you for reading, it means so much to me.

I leave you with a song by another gay icon, Lady Gaga. You were born this way!

Hello Gays and Gals,Welcome to My Blog!

Posted on by kenyaramirezz

I’m Kenya

My name is Kenya and I am a bisexual woman in the LGBT community. My goal for this blog is to create a safe space for people who are struggling with issues at home, in their relationship, and within the community.

When I was growing up, I had many problems coming to terms with my identity and sexuality, and I had absolutely no one to talk to. I want people to be able to come to this blog to seek guidance and advice when they feel like they are alone. This blog’s purpose is to give a voice to every single person in our community, whether you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, etc., this blog is here for YOU and will be with you throughout your journey of acceptance and love!

LGBT= Let’s Get Better Treatment

The LGBT community has endured generations of abuse and mistreatment from society and the government. Many people are under the misconception that the LGBT community doesn’t suffer in this modern age. Some people think that when the supreme court granted same-sex marriage as a fundamental right, some, if not all LGBT issues were solved. That couldn’t be further from the truth, since we still undergo abuse at home, at school, in the workplace, on the internet, and in relationships. Every day people from the LGBT community are subjected to acts of verbal and physical violence, homelessness, and hate crimes.

I hope this blog shines light on those issues and starts discussions with people outside of our community. I want people to recognize that many problems still exist, and there is much work left to do.

My Goal

My goal is to share as many raw personal stories as possible. I will be interviewing people from the LGBT community and asking them about their experiences with different topics such as coming out, accepting themselves, dealing with homophobia, and building relationships with their loved ones. I will also be talking about my own experiences and how I have dealt with them. I want to share as much advice as possible so I can help at least one person in the world feel less alone and scared. I hope that this blog helps me explore my feelings and opens me up to new ideas. I can’t wait for this new journey, and I hope that you stay tuned for what’s next to come.

Farewell!

Until next time guys! Thank you for reading, it means the world to me.

I hope to make a facebook page in the near future to raise awareness on other social media platforms. Stay tuned for that.

In honor of my first blog post, here is the video that made me want to come out of the closet. Thank you Hayley Kiyoko, you are the lesbian jesus.