A Lesbian and Her Laptop: Blog Review

A Lesbian and Her Laptop is an amazing LGBT blog that discusses issues similar to my blog. The writer, Jess, includes all sorts of personal stories, advice, reviews on queer content (shows and books) and even interviews from people in the LGBT community. She speaks about her own experiences as well as others to give readers an intimate experience when reading her stories.

One recent segment of blog posts that I really enjoyed were her Bisexual Wonderland posts. She decided to feature different stories from bisexual people in the LGBT community to celebrate Bisexual Awareness Week. We love some bi visibility! I think there is a very limited amount of resources for bisexual people out there, and I am very happy that she is playing a part in fixing that. There is a huge stigma around the bisexual community, and I really appreciate when other people in the LGBT community speak out and advocate for us.

I admire A Lesbian and Her Laptop so much because she has gotten so much attention on WordPress all while talking about topics that I care very deeply about. I aspire to reach the same amount of people that AL&HL has and make as much of an impact. My biggest goal with my blog is to be able to reach as many people in the LGBT community as possible to make sure that everyone has a safe space to go to when they are in need of it.

I think that it is very difficult for most people to talk about these personal issues, and I admire anyone who has the bravery and strength to speak up. Jess is a wonderful writer who is inspiring people from all over the community, and I am so happy to be one of her readers. I hope that one day my blog can grow to become as amazing and impactful as hers.

Thanks Jess, you are the best!

Are You Sisters?: A WLW Story

I think most, if not all, WLW relationships have heard this at least once in their life. It happens everywhere we go: restaurants, movie theaters, shopping centers, EVERYWHERE.

WE ARE NOT SISTERS!!!!

It is a frustrating never ending cycle being asked if you are sisters with your girlfriend. Yes, we are two women who are not masculine. No, that does not mean we are sisters or best friends. It is so awkward saying we’re not sisters but then being asked, “oh so you’re just friends?”, when in fact we are NOT friends.

I consider myself a femme. I would assume that it is quite difficult to guess I am into women from a first impression because I usually never dress masculine and that is the stereotype when assuming if a girl is gay. Well guess what? Girls who like girls don’t always have to wear a flannel or have a buzzcut you know. I consider my girlfriend a chapstick lesbian. She dresses more casual than I do and typically doesn’t come off as being ultra-feminine. I understand why it might be hard for people to grasp the idea of two girls who are not masculine dating; however it’s 2019, and I wish it was more normalized for two feminine women to date without it being over-sexualized or seen as abnormal. I feel like when people picture a lesbian relationship they expect a masculine woman dating a feminine woman. This is not always the case, and this stereotype is getting old, frankly.

As homosexuality becomes more accepted globally, I hope that people become more open-minded about the assumptions they make when it comes to gay relationships. Relationships don’t always have to follow heteronormative roles. No one has to be “the man” in a lesbian relationship for it to be considered correct.

Advice

So what do you do when you are asked this question? From my experience, it is best to just avoid the awkward moment and long explanation and just say yes. Make it something fun and light-hearted so you don’t feel uncomfortable. My girlfriend and I love saying we are best-friends or sisters when we are asked this, and then we laugh about it when we are alone. Hopefully one day we never have to deal with those sort of questions, but for now I guess we have to suffer and laugh about it later. I mean who cares if a stranger thinks you’re sisters, right? After all, old research states that many couples begin to look similar to each other because they share so many emotions and experiences together that they begin to mimic each other’s “subtle shifts in facial wrinkles and other facial contours”. Kinda cute, no? I’ve always wanted a sister!

Thanks for reading guys, It makes me very happy when you do.

Here’s one of my favorite gay anthems, you’re welcome.

Growing Up Gay and Hispanic

It’s been a long process to get to the level of acceptance that i’m at now. All of my life I felt like there was something wrong with me. My family raised me to believe that I had value based on my ability to please men. My mother would always tell me, “You need to learn how to cook and clean. How will your future husband accept you if you don’t know how to do anything? Your future man will send you back to us if he realizes you are useless”. This broke my heart every time I heard it. Was my value really determined by how useful I was for men? I could never understand why my mother had this attitude, but I always had to remind myself that my mother was raised in Mexico, where things are very different from the U.S. “Machismo” is deeply rooted in hispanic culture and is just as prevalent today as it was when my mother was a child. 

My mother endured decades of abuse from men. My father was a horrible husband. My mother dealt with his lies, cheating, and manipulation for 28 years. Even after my parents divorce, she couldn’t escape that toxic environment with my stepfather. She cooked all day long and cleaned the house twice a day all while working a full time job, even going as far as ironing every damn shirt, pants, underwear and socks that my step father owned. Sometimes I felt like yelling, “Who the hell is going to care if there is a wrinkle in his heel, mother!?”. I’m sure she felt tired some days, I’m sure she didn’t want to do all that she did, but she felt like she had to. So tell me, how could she want me to go through that? Why is it that I was expected to act a certain way to try to please men? 

Ever since I was a child, my family would say “son novios, son novios!”, “they’re dating, they’re dating!”, whenever I came near a boy classmate. I know it was a joke, purely teasing, but this never sat right with me. Why is it that since we are young, our families try to romanticize the idea of little girls dating little boys? I was raised to believe that dating boys was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. Ideally, I would marry a “great man” after college and settle and bear his children. I grew up with this idea, so it made it 100 times more confusing when I had my first crush in the fourth grade, and she was in fact not a boy. “When you grow older you are going to get so much attention from the boys!”, my mother would say as I was settling into my mature body and face. Why couldn’t she just say that I looked pretty? 

Growing up hispanic and gay means calling my girlfriend “friend” at family functions. It means never showing affection towards my girlfriend due to fear of being looked at ugly by my own cousins. It means having to explain that it is in fact not a “phase” or “confusion” to every family member I come out to. It means lying to my grandma every time she calls to ask if I have a boyfriend and I say, “I’m just focusing on school right now, I don’t want a boyfriend abuelita”. It means letting go of my girlfriend’s hand whenever I enter a public space in my hometown that is 97% hispanic. It means keeping quiet about my relationship when my hispanic classmates bond over their boyfriends. It means not being able to take out my girlfriend to dance during my cousin’s quinceñera. It means staying quiet while my family makes homophobic jokes in front of my face. 

Being gay and hispanic is hard, but i’d still choose the the judgment, stares, and whispers any day over ironing socks for the rest of my damn life. 

Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.

I’ll serve another anthem for you hungry gays.

Am I gay?!

circa 2012: 8th grade prom

Let’s take it back a few years, okay? It’s the 7th grade and I’m walking this girl home and I am so nervous. She is so pretty and I want to be her best friend so bad. The whole time I’m thinking, “I hope she texts me as soon as she’s home. I just really realllly want to be close to her.” Right, is that all I want? Of course that’s what I want. I just think she’s really awesome, and funny… and cute… and sooo pretty. I want to talk to her all day long and be best friends forever!

Yea, no. I was actually super into her and wanted to hold her hand really badly.

How I Found Out I Liked Girls

My first kiss was actually a girl in the 4th grade, my best friend at the time. I think at first I was trying to convince myself that we were just curious about how kissing worked. As time went by though, I think both of us realized we actually enjoyed it, and it was no longer just a curiosity of ours. (Yes, we are both gay now.)

I remember middle school like it was yesterday. I had plenty of friends, many of which were girls. My entire life I had been told that I should like boys, and I did. However, I couldn’t shake that feeling of confusion throughout my childhood. Boys are cute, but girls are just so pretty… and they smell really good too. I had so many mixed feelings about some of the “friends” that I had. Deep down I didn’t know if I wanted to be LIKE them or be WITH them. (Pictured on the left is my braceface 6th grade self)

The Signs

So what made me realize that I liked girls? Well first of all, I would get so nervous around them all of the time. I constantly found myself trying to impress them and wanting to make them laugh all of the time. I was also obsessed with talking to them, and would constantly try to bump into them at school or make plans to hangout. Plenty of times I found myself missing them after school and wanting to be closer. It was very frustrating trying to keep my distance from them to seem normal.

It went as far as me giving them cute little gifts and writing thoughtful notes. I thought about them all the time, in the same way I thought about boys that I had crushes on. This made it even more confusing, since I grew up being told that feeling this way was wrong.

Acceptance

It took me years to come to terms with my feelings. For so long I had submerged those feelings in the back of my head and buried them from everyone, including myself. I would constantly make up excuses for my emotions and remind myself that it was wrong to like girls. I tried to explain it away by saying that I admired them in the same way that straight girls admire other girls with no attraction involved. I wanted to believe that every time I complimented them it was purely platonic. I didn’t start opening up to the idea of being bisexual until high school. As I grew older I realized that those feelings never went away, and even as I dated boys, I never stopped liking girls. So finally, I accepted myself. I validated my own feelings and allowed myself to have thoughts about girls. I allowed myself to picture myself dating a girl without feeling like I was doing something wrong, and it felt amazing.

Advice

I want to say to anyone who is going through this issue exactly what I would’ve loved to hear when I was a scared 12 year old girl. It’s okay to feel the way that you feel. I know that it feels foreign and wrong, and you wish that you didn’t feel this way. I know that you feel ashamed at times, and you sometimes want to act a certain way or be a certain person in order to please other people. You don’t have to do any of that. You don’t owe anyone any explanations or apologies for the way that you feel. It is not your fault that you love who you love, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. When you are ready to accept yourself for who you are, just know that there is a huge community full of beautiful and vibrant souls waiting to support you.

Farewell!

If you need someone to talk to you are always welcome to contact me, I am here for you! If you have any concerns with coming out, bullying or other issues, you can contact the LGBT National Help Center and they will gladly assist you.

Thank you for reading, it means so much to me.

I leave you with a song by another gay icon, Lady Gaga. You were born this way!

Hello Gays and Gals,Welcome to My Blog!

I’m Kenya

My name is Kenya and I am a bisexual woman in the LGBT community. My goal for this blog is to create a safe space for people who are struggling with issues at home, in their relationship, and within the community.

When I was growing up, I had many problems coming to terms with my identity and sexuality, and I had absolutely no one to talk to. I want people to be able to come to this blog to seek guidance and advice when they feel like they are alone. This blog’s purpose is to give a voice to every single person in our community, whether you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, etc., this blog is here for YOU and will be with you throughout your journey of acceptance and love!

LGBT= Let’s Get Better Treatment

The LGBT community has endured generations of abuse and mistreatment from society and the government. Many people are under the misconception that the LGBT community doesn’t suffer in this modern age. Some people think that when the supreme court granted same-sex marriage as a fundamental right, some, if not all LGBT issues were solved. That couldn’t be further from the truth, since we still undergo abuse at home, at school, in the workplace, on the internet, and in relationships. Every day people from the LGBT community are subjected to acts of verbal and physical violence, homelessness, and hate crimes.

I hope this blog shines light on those issues and starts discussions with people outside of our community. I want people to recognize that many problems still exist, and there is much work left to do.

My Goal

My goal is to share as many raw personal stories as possible. I will be interviewing people from the LGBT community and asking them about their experiences with different topics such as coming out, accepting themselves, dealing with homophobia, and building relationships with their loved ones. I will also be talking about my own experiences and how I have dealt with them. I want to share as much advice as possible so I can help at least one person in the world feel less alone and scared. I hope that this blog helps me explore my feelings and opens me up to new ideas. I can’t wait for this new journey, and I hope that you stay tuned for what’s next to come.

Farewell!

Until next time guys! Thank you for reading, it means the world to me.

I hope to make a facebook page in the near future to raise awareness on other social media platforms. Stay tuned for that.

In honor of my first blog post, here is the video that made me want to come out of the closet. Thank you Hayley Kiyoko, you are the lesbian jesus.